Why Wait?
Teens Program Information

Relationships are progressive.

Dr. Desmond Morris has studied couples all over the world. He observed that all couples in all cultures go though the same 12 step process in healthy relationships. He believes that all couple relationships must pass through this process in order to achieve that lasting bond. Bonding takes time, and if any steps are missed along the way the bonding is weak and is at greater risk for breaking. If there is any physical intimacy before step seven the bond will be at greater risk for breaking. Step seven is also the last exit before intimacy. This means that if the relationship is not a lifelong commitment it should not move beyond step seven. Any breakup after this step will cause damage. It is especially difficult to break a relationship after step 10 has occurred. When a relationship ends, the tendency is to begin the next relationship at the step where the last one ended. In a lifelong commitment the marriage should occur by step 9.

The 12 steps of Human Pair Bonding are:

1. Eye to Body
2. Eye to Eye
3. Voice to Voice

 

4. Hand to Hand
5. Arm to Shoulder
6. Arm to Waist

 

7. Face to Face
8. Hand to Head
9. Hand to Body

 
 

10, 11 & 12

Intimacy

couple on stairs

Source: Bonding: Relationships in the Image of God by Dr. Joy

If you have been hooking up and don't understand why your partner won't commit to a relationship it may be because you skipped the relationship building steps. If you hookup or have sex before the commitment takes place you are bypassing the steps where the relationship develops. If you want a soul mate you have to spend the time getting to know the heart and soul of each other. You must spend the time communicating, sharing your life goals and dreams, cares and worries and thoughts. You can't rush the emotional for the physical. An emotional and relational connectedness between two individuals must occur before physical intimacy Sex is more than just a physical act, it effects the whole person, emotional, spiritual and physical. If what you really want is marriage don't agree to a hookup, it's like planting wild flowers when you really want roses to grow.

Relationships take time

This is why you should Wait for Sex